Our Divine Leader

Unless half of our elected legislature shakes off its self-imposed malaise of ignorance and stands up to Der Führer Jindal a free public education will be something we read about in story books; those of us fortunate enough to have learned to read before the Dark One came from Mordor with his tainted out-of-state fundraising contributions to ensnare our leaders with his false promises of prosperity and freedom.

But I get way ahead of myself.  Whew!  You have no idea who am, nor my agenda.  You have no idea why i would even hold this opinion!  I’ve probably already been fired for thinking it, but oh well, Jindal won’t fix the unemployment issue if he keeps firing everyone with a negative opinion of him [unless he redefines the unemployment rate as he’s done with the dropout and graduation rates to promote his agenda. . .  but that’s like lightning striking a hundred times in the same spot, right?]

In all likelihood you probably worship Jindal and his “no new taxes,” pledges  [except on overpaid state workers]  and his seemingly tough stances on crime, accountability and ethics.  If you read any of the dozens of fawning editorial staff articles from The Advocate and The Times Picayune you would no doubt think Jindal was Louisiana’s patron saint of prosperity and our last bastion against those clamoring liberals who want nothing more than to steal our children from their Christian churches and feed them nothing but Korans and Communism and indoctrinate them with sexuality bending Sesame Street reruns.  (I hear some of those liberals actually think the earth is more than few thousand years old; when we know better.  [I’ll have to tell you the story about how i saw a liberal planting mutant cow skeletons a under a few thousand feet of limestone to try and trick us, but that will have to wait for another time.])  Man!  It’s a good thing those standardized tests only test Math and English skills, right?  Who needs social studies, civics, or soft sciences like biology, chemistry and physics muddling up what we Know.

In any event, Jindal obviously has our best interest at heart, which is why he’s been so reticent to allow much debate on his recent education bills.  We’re just to stupid to be trusted with a true democratic process with debates and discourse. . . of course?  I mean really, we’ve got one of least educated populations in the nation.  What are the chances most of us know what we’re doing, right?

If i tried to explain to you how BESE only allocates money for public students (not charter, state school, OJJ and voucher students) and then the legislature takes money from those allocations to give to those other schools that would be way over your head.  I mean, sure, i could probably even give you an example:

like lets say a parish like Tensas has 500 students.  Lets say they get 5000 per student on average.  That’s a heap load of cash right?  2,500,000!  Wow. Now lets say i open up a charter school in Tensas that takes 250 students away.  That really sucks for Tensas, but at least they get half the money still, right?  Maybe they have to fire some administrators, most of the bus drivers, probably the principals, and instead of school buildings they can be relocated to school tents (Natural A/C, yall! Take that Greenpeace!) but at least they get 1,250,000 right?

Well, uh, not exactly.  You see, the way Jindal-Inc. has this structured, Tensas gets 0 dollars, but the new charter gets 1,250,000.  Awesome!  Right?  So much for those goofballs who were saying public schools still outperformed many charter schools!  Now let’s see public schools do anything without any money!  Score one for the good guys. The little guys like Michael Bloomberg and Rupert Murdoch finally get one chalked up in the W. column.

Now you may say to me:

“Crawfish, obviously that can’t be in the bill.  That kind of situation would be ridiculous!  Even if that only happened for a year before it got straightened out, it would be catastrophic for most local school systems.”

I would then simply tell you that that is exactly how they have been funding a number of type II charters and OJJ schools. . . for several years now.  JindalCo’s plans are to fund the virtual schools, all charters, all state schools, OJJ, and the voucher schools from the base MFP allocation.  The state will determine where the students reside, or resided last, and then take from the base MFP allocation and give to these other schools.  These programs have already expanded fast, but the plans will be to expand them even more aggressively ensuring that all school systems will face a crises and massive layoffs next year and forcing free Public Education to Collapse in Louisiana.

The tenure tie-in is the red herring to get people thinking teachers are more worried about their livelihoods (Those cads!) than their children or their state. It is a serious enough issue by itself, but come next year pink slips will be the rule, not the exception, and tenure will be the least of their worries. Teachers will be demanding charter schools and non-publics open faster because they will be the only ones with any money to pay anyone’s salary!  You almost have to admire JindalCorp for its diabolicalness.  Lets face it folks, us poor uneducated yokels don’t state a chance against these New York city slickers.  Best to hand over our paychecks and house keys to them now.

You heard it here first folks.  A free public education is soon to be a luxury item; a relic of the past. Tune in for more interesting tidbits “They” don’t want you to know, but which many, many people already do.

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