Lately I’ve been hearing more and more people claim to speak for the Founding Fathers.  They claim that the Founding Fathers, in their vast and infallible wisdom, only meant for freedom of religion to extend to Christian based religions.

(They did not actually put this in so many words because they were too busy writing so many other documents and fighting so many wars and what not that it slipped their minds. . . I guess.  It’s probably also excusable because only a few thousand other religions existed at the time the Constitution was written, so to exclude each one would have taken, like forever or something, or maybe they planned to get around to explicitly excluding Muslims after a few more Crusades.)

The Founding Fathers just assumed we’d be smart enough to know what parts of the Constitution to deviate from and which ones to stick our guns on, (That was a shout out to my Second Amendment Homies.  I’m my own militia, y’all!)

Anywho, back to this whole Christian thing.  The Founding fathers were obviously too busy calibrating scales to measure black people as 3/5ths of a normal white person, (well black males versus white males anyways – sorry ladies!) to have taken the time to put freedom of “Christian” based religions only in their Bill of Rights.

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; ”

And that part about making no law “respecting” the establishment of a religion obviously meant Congress was supposed to make lots of laws establishing and affirming [Christian based] religions, (but not the Mormons unless they happen to have a serious Republican presidential candidate), they just weren’t supposed to be very respectful to the laws they [Congress] make.  After seeing how most Congressmen seem to totally disregard their own laws, I can safely say they’ve got that covered!

So obviously, we were meant to be a Christian nation, with lots of laws establishing Christianity disrespectfully!  I think we have that covered too!

  • Instead of turning the other cheek, we are heavily investing in as much military equipment as we can to blow those cheeks off of any face on the planet – from the safety of a creepy drone van, down by a miscellaneous river.
  • Instead of taking care of our infirm and poor we are defunding programs that support our neediest citizens and giving that money to our wealthiest citizens – so they have money to buy off our the politicians that make such transactions possible and profitable.
  • Instead of educating our citizens we are enriching our corporations, at the expense of our children and clueless taxpayers.  We pay these charter operators and virtual schools regardless of their educational outcomes, all in the name of freedom of choice!
  • Not only have we let the money lenders back into the temples, we’ve handed them the keys, let them rent them back to us at exorbitant rates while they sell off the copper pipes and stained glass windows.  Meanwhile they sell us any nifty false idol they can think of in form of trademarked goods and services.  (I need me some of those new Coca-Cola Nike Air Jordan McDonald’s Tiffany’s FuBu Ralph Lauren GE pet rocks!)
  • Somehow we’ve even turned transformed Christ into a Capitalist, and Satan into a Socialist.  If that isn’t completely disingenuous and backwards, I don’t know what is!
  • The most “Christian” of our states protect and revel in the use of the death penalty to such an extent that the mere mention of it triggers fervent applause and obvious feelings of  sadistic pleasure; rather than humility or shame.

So, if we assume that the people who claim the US was meant to be a Christian nation are correct, and we actually understand any of the teachings of Christ where he defended the poor, healed the sick, fed the hungry, forgave the sinners, and gave his life rather than take the lives of others; we would quickly realize the nation has become the exact opposite of what Christ preached.  Our country has been taken over by Christian based agents of evil, namely devils and demons under the sway of Satan.

– Or

The Constitution actually was meant to protect all religions and those dumb asses that claim otherwise  are full of shit and never actually opened a bible or read the Constitution.  They probably learned about Christianity from Toby Keith and Hank Williams Jr. aka Bocephus.  (Hmm, Bocephus appears to mean Devil Dog. . .  I wonder?)

Bocephus – the Devil Dog
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