John White’s Performance Review Press Release – Time Machine Edition

For Immediate Release – January 15^th, 2013

BESE Congratulates Superintendent John White on performing an outstanding job

Chas Roemer , BESE President, explained to a packed Louisiana Purchase Room, filled to the brim with charter lobbyists and brown-nosing sycophants, that without John White’s leadership, Louisiana would have followed in the path of so many failures before it, by reporting accurate data.

“John White is a true champion of the Reform movement and Louisiana. He is not afraid to radically change our entire scoring system to in order to make it possible for 97% of our high school students to believe they are achieving more than their predecessors. Under his leadership I have no doubt we will reach whatever seemingly random goal he sets for us, and even shatter it!”

“Under John White’s guidance, Louisiana has innovated to become a true leader in manufacturing faux performance gains. Whether it’s raising SPS scores by 15 points, excluding low performing schools from being included in calculations, or shadow schools altogether, White has been instrumental in showing Louisiana how to turn ignorant belief into mesmerizing reality.”

Holly Boffy, BESE cheerleader, exclaimed “Give me a W! Give me an I! Give me a G H T! Goooooooo Wight!” Mrs. Boffy was informed later of the actual spelling of John White’s name (although she remained skeptical it was not the same as the undead bloodsucking traitors of Tolkien lore.)

Students First, a corporate shill organization run and funded by charter organizations, has recognized John White’s outstanding contributions to their cause and given John White and Louisiana a top grade in conforming to their profiteering agenda. This endorsement came at some personal cost to Students First as they had to endorse a State that rated an “F” on achievement according to Education Week magazine, ranking slightly ahead of the absolute worst state, Mississippi.

When asked what his goal was for next year, John White replied, “Mississippi is going down! It’s about time Louisiana was the top of a list for once! We haven’t driven off all our best teachers and replaced them with crappy virtual school simulations and defunded traditional districts just to stay 49^th!”

Based on the applause and cheers greeting this statement, most of those assembled appeared to believe John White could achieve this goal.

For Questions about this release, simply attend the BESE meeting at the Claiborne Building in downtown Baton Rouge, January 15^th and 16^th, 2013, while they review John White’s performance and BESE ignores anyone who raises objections.

 To download a copy:sFor Immediate Release